


Mallout 2.0

by PeacefulPhoenix



Series: Mallout [8]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Adult Humor, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, For now no smut or serious angst, M/M, Mallout but I'm better at writing now, Might Change Later, Recreational Drug Use, Shifting perspectives, Shopping Malls, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:41:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23161129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeacefulPhoenix/pseuds/PeacefulPhoenix
Summary: A revival of my old popular AU where everyone works at a mall and everyone's pretty gay but now I have better writing skills. Theoretically.
Relationships: Deacon/Robert Joseph MacCready, John Hancock/Nick Valentine
Series: Mallout [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/399490
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	1. John Hancock

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm posting these because I met some of my donation goals over on tumblr (60-minuteman) and I wanted to say thank you. These first two chapters (and half of a third) have been sitting in my google drive since last April and I haven't worked on it much since then but I plan on writing more (and am more likely to if there's enthusiasm for it) 
> 
> Enjoy, let me know what you think, be well!

The roar of voices and the clatter of trays was as loud as ever in the food court today. Which suited them just fine. It provided them the perfect cover to plot out new ways to make everyone else’s lives harder. But first…

“I will never get over how good this ice cream is,” RJ mumbled around a spoonful. Deacon and John both had a cup too but they were eating more slowly. Conversation had ground to a halt as they ate.

Deacon pointed his spoon at RJ. “You eat too much sugar. We should cut you off.” He paused for a second before adding. “And take you to a dentist.”

“I’ll go to a dentist when you pay for it, how about that?” he shot back with narrowed eyes. He brought his ice cream closer to himself and further from Deacon. Which also brought it closer to John. 

Hancock reached over and scored a spoonful. He stuffed it into his mouth before RJ had a chance to stop him then mumbled around the spoon, “You’re right, Deak. We’ve got to help him stop.”

“Hey! No!” RJ tried to shield his dessert from both of them but that made it hard for him to eat it too. “You guys suck.”

“So do you,” John responded, imitating a blowjob. Deacon broke out into a smile and they both turned toward RJ who was beginning to turn a shade of red. 

“Fuck you,” he muttered into his ice cream. 

John finished his own in a few more bites and Deacon apparently decided he was done too and pushed his half-finished one towards RJ. He shot Deacon a questioning look and when Deacon nodded he abandoned his own to dig in. 

“So,” said Hancock, leaning on his arm. “What’s on the agenda today, lads?”

Deacon looked around like he was checking for listening ears but no one was paying them any mind in all this. “Heard a rumor.” He looked over the rim of his sunglasses at his companions. 

He held for effect a little too long and RJ interrupted. “You gonna share or are we supposed to start guessing?” 

“I was getting there.” He shot RJ a look then started over. “Okay so I heard a rumor. Sounds like they’re hiring a new security guard.” He nodded proudly when RJ and John looked properly awed by the information. 

“Think they told them about us?” John asked. 

“Probably,” RJ responded almost immediately. “With our rep? Yeah.”

Deacon shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. But we have to think of a way to introduce ourselves.” RJ opened his mouth to respond but Deacon cut him off. “Whatever we’re planning, let’s not get this guy to quit on day one again.”

Apparently that limited his ideas because RJ closed his mouth again. 

“Alright,” John spoke up. “If you’re gonna limit us like this so rudely-” he didn’t look that bothered “-then you better have a plan.”

Deacon’s smile widened and he pulled something out of his bag. “I have an idea.” He put down a sticker in between them that read “Fuck the Police” and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Alright.” John leaned forward and took the sticker. “I see where you’re going with this.” He turned it over and looked at the back. “Decal?”

“Didn’t want anything too permanent.” Deacon shrugged and RJ grumbled like he thought something permanent would be better. “You buy it next time then.” 

John put the sticker down and looked back and forth between them. “Who gets the honor?”

RJ put up his arms and leaned back. “I did the last one. I think I’m already on thin ice.”

“And I’m the one who came up with the plan.” Deacon pushed the sticker back in front of John. “Looks like you’re the lucky one.”

John picked it up and ran his finger along the edges of the decal. “Good to know my best two friends are pussies.” He said it with a smile in his voice and they both smiled back. “But yeah, I’ve got this. Want me to just, like, slap it on the back of his jacket?”

“Yeah that should work.”

RJ seemed to finally be done with both ice creams and pushed them away. “Man, imagine how stupid the security dude’s gonna look with that sticker on his back!”

“They could be a girl,” Deacon pointed out. RJ shrugged off the comment. 

“Point stands.”

John slipped the sticker into his pocket and leaned back in his chair. “You both better be there with a camera. But don’t be so obvious about it this time, alright? We want this plan lasting for as long as possible. Deacon do you know when-” 

“As soon as I know, you will.” Deacon stood and stretched. “But my break is almost over which means your breaks are almost over too.” The other two groaned but also stood. 

RJ stacked up all their ice cream cups and tossed them in a nearby trash can. “Deak, you still coming over after work?” 

“Yup,” he called over his shoulder as he turned to walk away. 

John waved him off and stuck his hands in his pockets while he and RJ made their way out of the food court. “Ya know, you might want to clean up your room before he comes over tonight,” he said casually, nudging RJ’s arm. “Just in case.”

“Hey! I’m not- I mean-” he broke off and looked anywhere but at John before finally coming up with. “It’s clean enough already.”

“Dude, your room is trashed.”

“Is not!”

John chose to let that one go as they passed by the Victoria’s Secret. When RJ noticed John steering them towards it he got a shade pinker and peeled off a bit. “I’ll catch up with you after work,” he said as he headed toward Dick’s. They were about to split up anyways so John just let him go.

He got a few weird looks as he walked into the store but ignored them all in favor of walking up to the desk to see a friendly face. “Hey Curie,” he said with a smile, leaning on the counter. 

“Hello John,” she said, french accent thick as ever on her voice. “I don’t suppose you’re here to buy lingerie?”

He patted the counter. “Maybe one of these days.” Which is pretty much what he said every time he came to see her. “But you know what I could use?” She smiled and nodded. He continued anyways. “Gimme a fact.” 

“Well, I did look into something just for you.” Most of her facts did seem to be targeted at whoever was asking for them so it wasn’t a surprise but it always warmed his heart to know she was thinking about him. “Did you know that the oldest example of body modifications comes from a mummy dating back 3,300 BCE? His gauges were quite a bit smaller than yours, though.”

“Very cool!” He fingered his gauges and smiled. “Good to know I’m carrying on a time-honored tradition.”

“Very cool indeed,” she responded with a wide smile. All her smiles seemed to be genuine and stopping by to see her was often the highlight of his day. “Now I believe we both have work to get back to.”

He straightened up and nodded. “Right you are. You have women to make even more beautiful and I have novelty dicks to sell.”

She waved at him and laughed. “Nice to see you, John.”

“You too, Curie!”

He turned and left the store, heading downstairs where he had another long, boring shift at Spencer’s to look forward to.


	2. Nick Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick gets a tour of his new workplace.

Nick was determined to keep any first day nerves to himself. His job would be easy after all. All he had to do was deal with shoplifters and maybe some unaccompanied minors. Nora had assured him trouble around the mall would be at a minimum. 

Still, it had been a while since he’d had a real job and a couple hours in, he was craving a cigarette. Not because he was stressed, mind you. Because he wasn’t stressed. Just because nicotine was addictive. Of course. 

He pulled the walkie talkie from his belt and pressed the button on the side. “This is Valentine. Taking a smoke break.”

“Roger that, Valentine,” came his coworker, Glory’s, voice from the other end. 

Nick made his way through the crowds and back hallways until he made it to the back where Nora had pointed out to him. But it wasn’t as empty as he expected. Nor did it smell like people had been using it to smoke cigarettes. He was wary walking up to the other man, coughing and saying a gruff, “Hey,” before reaching him. 

Counter to his expectations, the man didn’t respond, instead blowing out a cloud of smoke. By the time Nick got to his side, there was no question that the man was smoking weed. Which… was technically legal in this state but, “You’re not supposed to smoke that in public. Or while you’re working,” Nick pointed out.

“What’re you, a cop?” he asked before looking over. “Well look at that, you kind of are. My name’s Hancock,” he said, balancing the joint on his lip and offering his hand. 

“Hancock, huh?” Nick hesitated a second before offering his own hand. “Nick Valentine.”

For what it’s worth, Hancock didn’t flinch away from his hand like some people did. In fact, he went the opposite direction, not letting go after they’d shaken hands and turning his hand over to examine it. “Prosthetic?”

Nick was unfortunately very used to people treating it like some kind of sideshow. “No, that’s my real arm.” He pulled his hand back and went digging in his pockets. 

“It’s cool!” Hancock went on like Nick hadn’t snarked at him. “I’ve never seen a prosthetic that moves before. Didn’t know they could do that.” Hancock tried not to watch but Nick caught him looking as he put a cigarette between two of his artificial fingers and lit up. 

“I’m sure there’s a lot you don’t know about them,” he said after he’d taken a drag. He didn’t even bother pointing out that needing -- and thus having -- a prosthetic arm was far from cool. 

Hancock didn’t respond to that one and went back to smoking his joint. Nick welcomed the silence and tried to calm his nerves, ignoring the occasional glances in his direction.

He was nearly done with his cigarette when Hancock spoke again. “So you’re the new security guy we’ve been hearing about huh, Nick?”

“Valentine,” he corrected. “And I guess I am.”

“Valentine.” Nick nodded and snubbed out his joint. “It’s good to meet you. Thanks for not making a big deal about the, ya know.” Nick nodded -- he really had no intentions to make a big deal about anything today -- and Hancock mirrored the action. “By the way, my friends call me John.”

So one normal name and one out-there name. If anything else, he was at least interesting. Nick didn’t respond with more than a nod and breathed out one last lungful of smoke before snubbing out his own cigarette. 

“Let me walk you back in,” John said, nodding towards the door inside. And, well, it would be rude to say no. They were both headed that way anyways. Valentine nodded and fell in step beside John. “So has anyone given you the grand tour?”

“Nora showed me around,” Nick confirmed.

John waves that off. “Yeah sure. You got the official tour. But you need the unofficial tour too. So you know who’s who.” He pulled out his phone to check the time and shrugged. “I’m free for now if you are.”

Nick clenched his jaw and checked his own watch. He wasn’t particularly interested in spending more time with Hancock but it would help his job so, “Sure, I’ve got some time.”

John broke out in a huge grin. “Perfect.”

He led them inside and got to talking. “I’ll give you the short version. Since I’m sure you’re a very busy man, what with your new job and all.”

“First up, A.C.T. Body Piercing and Tattoos. It’s just down the hall there. It’s a cool little shop, really. If you’ve been waiting for the right time to get nipple piercings or something, William Black’s your man. There’s like three piercing shops in the mall -- four if you include Claire’s which you really shouldn’t -- but A.C.T.’s the best of ‘em.

“Also some of the best tattoo artists I know. Nisha does some amazing black and grey pieces, Mason does new school but you don’t really strike me as a new school kinda guy. Gage does American traditional though. Might be more your scene. Maybe a nice pinup, ya know? You like pinups?” He didn’t give a chance to answer. “Oh and William’s sister Mags’ll do anything if you pay her enough. Everyone in that shop is kinda crazy, though. So go in at your own risk. 

“Then you’ve got me!” he said, sweeping his arm out. “I work right there at Spencer’s. Head manager, baby! And I can confirm, we’ve got way better shit than Hot Topic. Ya know, if sex toys and snapbacks are your thing. Or if you need more bling for your brand new nipple piercings.” He said it as if it were a real possibility. But the look on John’s face said that he knew it wasn’t. Meanwhile, Nick found he wasn’t at all surprised that was where Hancock worked. Honestly, he couldn’t imagine him doing anything else now. 

John left him for a minute to grab something from behind the counter then continued giving his tour. 

“Anyways, that’s pretty much it until you get to Dick’s. My buddy RJ works there. Not too much special there, ya know. Aside from the awesome name, it’s nothing special.

“And next up, Hey Cait!” John sped up, a bit of a skip in his step. He led Nick up to a cellphone stand and leaned over the counter and dropped something on it. Nick tried to catch a glimpse at what it was but found his line of sight obstructed by John. He reasoned that it was none of his business anyways. “A gift for my favorite redhead!”

She crossed her arms over her chest and Nick found himself wondering if that was how everyone responded to Hancock. “I thought Deacon was your favorite redhead, John.”

He waved that off. “Don’t be ridiculous, Deacon is bald, not red-headed.”

“Uh-huh.”

Not wanting to leave him out, John turned to Nick. “Deacon’s my other best bud. I’ll point him out later.” He then turned back to Cait. “This is Valentine. He’s new.”

“Yeah, I got that.”

“Don’t worry about her. Rough exterior but a heart of gold.”

“I’m right here, Hancock!” John turned to Nick and held up an OK sign. “Time for you to piss off and let me do my job.” 

“Moving on,” John said without missing a beat. In fact, once he realized where they were he looked positively giddy. “Oh man, there’s the escape room!” Nick couldn’t help but notice that he had a good smile and without meaning to, he found himself smiling along. 

“So listen,” he said, glancing around as if someone might overhear. “There’s this guy that works at the escape room. The story is that he’s some kind of robot and they can’t get him to act like a real human so they built the story of the escape room around him. Or that he’s a really dedicated actor. They say maybe he had a shitty life or something so he just decided to become his character to escape. They say that he once killed a man to protect his real identity.” How people came up with these kinds of stories, Nick would never know. 

John pointed out a man standing by the entrance. “That’s him. X6-88.” Nick did have to admit, he had very good posture and an expressionless face that could seem almost robotic. But Nick had taken a look through some of the employment files and happened to know his name wasn’t, in fact, X6-88. 

“You do realize he’s not a robot, right? His name is-”

John basically punched him to stop him from talking. “NO! Whatever it is, you can’t say it! I’m not ready to die yet!” He eyed X6 warrily, and as if he could overhear them -- which he definitely couldn’t as he’d been talking to someone -- until he suddenly looked in their direction. John took that as their queue to quickly move on. 

He pointed out a few more places along the first floor, including a comic shop where someone named Kent worked -- apparently he had a “heart of gold” too -- and Longfellow’s “Planet X Mini Glow Golf” which apparently gave a discount to all mall employees if you knew to ask for it. 

And then they were on to the second floor. 

“For the most part people come and go a lot. It’s retail, ya know? Who wants to work it long term? So most people aren’t worth getting to know. That’s why I’m telling you about all the best people. Obviously.” He did point out a few other people along the way but mostly he kept them going pretty quickly. 

“And Curie works in there,” he said, gesturing to the Victoria’s Secret. “You have to meet her! Sweetest girl ever and smart as hell. Honestly, she’s going places. Looks like she’s probably busy right now though so I’ll have to introduce you two later.”

Nick found himself quite content to stay silent and listen. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he agreed to this tour but he hadn’t been expecting, well, this. John was surprisingly charismatic when he wasn’t asking borderline rude questions and pretty much everyone they came across had a smile for him.

At least, until they got to Dunkin’ Donuts. 

“Oh, not you again.” Nick watched as the smile fell from the man behind the counter and was replaced by a scowl. 

“Oh yes, me.” John’s smile, on the other hand, seemed to grow. “Gotta get my daily coffee. You know how it is.” 

The man behind the counter -- his nametag identified him as Danse -- took his order but seemed wary throughout the entire interaction and Nick was left to wonder how their interactions normally went because for now, John was being well behaved and civil for the most part. He even introduced Nick before stepping aside to let him order. 

They stepped away with their drinks and continued past the food court. “Danse is okay but he kinda has a stick up his ass. His boss, Maxson, is even worse though,” he commented groaning. “If you ever see him working the register just come back later, honestly.”

After that particular comment, John’s commentary slowly dropped off. He seemed momentarily distracted by something and kept looking toward the crowds as they passed. Whatever he saw must have been capturing his attention because it was the first time during the tour he’d truly stopped talking but when Nick looked to try to find what he was looking at he found nothing. “Hancock?” he finally asked, drawing him back to himself.

He shook off his distraction and smiled. “Just one last place to show you. And I think it’ll be your favorite. Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?”

The last stop on their tour was apparently a pet store -- Pet Express -- at the end of the hallway. It was a cute little place with fancy cages lining the back walls, each with a puppy or two in it. In the middle of the small shop there were even some open topped cages with kittens. Nick had to wonder if that ever led to some daring escape attempts and he dipped his hand into one and let a tiny grey kitten press against his fingers. “Hey there,” he muttered to it, scratching behind its ear.

John had paused to watch, a soft smile on his lips as he did. But when Nick straightened up again, he went back into his spiel. “I know pet stores get a bad rep what with all the puppy mills and stuff like that but this place is honest. Works with the local humane society or something. Garvey’s good people.”

John held up a hand telling Nick to stay then ducked into the back where a small group of girls were fawning over a puppy being held by someone who worked there. He and Hancock exchanged a few words then the both of them walked back over. “Preston, meet Valentine. I’m showing him all the best spots around here. Saved the best for last and everything.”

Nick extended his hand and Preston shifted the puppy to his other arm then shook it. “Nick. Nice to meet you.” John gave him a bit of an odd look but Nick did his best to ignore it. Instead, he looked around the store and found it surprisingly full of patrons and low on staff. “You run this place all by yourself?”

“Ever since the owners basically abandoned it,” Preston confirmed. He nodded towards the back and Nick and Hancock followed. “We’ve been a little understaffed recently but it’s nothing a little hard work can’t handle.” Preston walked behind the cages and returned the puppy to its temporary home then came back out and squirted some hand sanitizer into his hands.

“That’s a good attitude to have.” 

“Don’t suppose you two have time to play with some of the puppies? They’re getting a little restless.”

John sighed dramatically and shook his head. “Unfortunately I’ve used up my whole break showing the newbie around. Gotta get back soon.” Nick nodded his agreement. He, too, should be getting back to work soon. 

“Well when you do have the time, you know when to find me,” Preston responded, waving them goodbye as they turned to leave the store. 

Hancock slipped his hand into his pocket and took a few steps from the store before coming to a stop. Once again, his eyes scanned over the people around them and he nodded to himself. “Well, that’s the tour. Which I guess means this is goodbye for now.”

“Guess so.” Nick nodded himself and looked down the hallway. “Well, I can honestly say I appreciate-”

He was cut off as something slammed into his prosthetic and drew his eye back to his companion. He pulled his arm away and looked at it and found a black decal sticker on his arm that read “Fuck the Police!” When he looked up from his arm he saw John’s back disappearing into the crowd as he ran away, hoots and hollers chasing him as he ran. 

“Damnit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all I have written for now, but I'll get to work on Chapter 3 ASAP! Next up? Curie! 
> 
> Remember to leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed and subscribe to the fic if you want to be notified when more gets posted


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